Thirty-six-year old Annie Schwartz-Jensen and her husband, Zach, waited to have a baby until the time was perfect. Annie got pregnant as planned, she hid her puke breath from the students in her seventh grade class, and drew up a detailed birth plan. She knew what to expect. She couldn't wait to raise her child in the most expertly precise way, using the trials and errors of all the parents who came before her in her ten years of teaching. She couldn't wait to feel the unconditional love, that moment everyone told her about, when she had a baby of her own. Maternity Leave begins nine months later, as Annie gives birth to Sam, who comes out perfectly formed and screaming. After all those years of dreaming about a baby, this one is real. And he scares the living crap out of Annie. And she has committed to staying home with him for six long months. Maternity Leave is a hilarious, honest, heart-lifting story about baby's first year – the sleepless nights, the painful breastfeeding, the self-doubt/loathing that comes with motherhood, the postpartum dieting, the postpartum marital sex (or lack thereof), the Yummy Mummies who seem to know what they're doing and of course, the colorful poop. All the poop. So Much Poop.